1. Don’t upkeep your property. Encourage the neighborhood wannabe’s to tag your building. Forget about fixing that broken window, the wood plank is going to work just fine. Weeds, peeling paint, pot holes in the parking lot? These are trivial and should be put off as long as possible. First impressions aren’t everything.

2. Never, under any circumstances, answer your phone. Just because I might have a question about your product or service certainly shouldn’t interfere in your “me” time. I’ll probably call back. Maybe. If I remember to.

3. Have a really confusing website, with lots of flashing buttons and links that lead me nowhere. This is especially important if I have a question about my order or shipping. Special note, if I’m trying to give you money, hide the shopping cart and anything that will allow me to pay for your product/service.

4. Don’t keep inventory and make sure to tell me repeatedly that you don’t know when you’ll be restocking. This is particularly handy when I’ve already paid for the item and have no more time to shop around for something else.

5. Never eat your own dogfood. Only crazy people stand firmly behind their product. In fact, don’t bother learning about the product at all. The only important thing is making sure you sell it to me. The right item for my needs is the last thing you should be worried about. And be sure to chastise me for making a poor decision and not researching before even coming into the shop when I return it three days later.

Follow these easy rules for non business and you’ll be slapping a For Sale sign in that broken window in no time.

Good Luck!

‘Chelle Parmele
Social Media Marketing Manager
Palo Alto Software