we are wasting buzz-illions of calories, ergs, joules, watts, amperes, volts, newtons.

as they say in the uk, i have a capital idea. here’s how can we cut this waste and save this precious energy.

expunge all the capital letters.  cease case-sensitive usage.  yank those shift and caps lock keys out of our keyboards.  by my i-make-it-up-as-i-go-along guesstimation, each of these superfluous little-finger keystrokes wastes 3/250,000 of a calorie.  with the calories saved in not typing caps every day, the average computer user could forego the weekly zooper-gigantoburger and doublecrust cheddar pommes frites refueling. the watts saved in computer power abusage could staunch the bleeding of the vampire energy drain from all the other annoying led lights that glow 24/7 from our toys and gizmos.

now, about those heretofore accepted uses of capital letter energy.

bah. a humbug, i say.

literature is no problem. the poet and author e.e. cummings wrote much of his work without capitals. and apocryphally, other authors are supposed to have filed all the caps off their typewriters.

personal names shouldn’t matter.  you know who you are, and i know who i am. as if i care if i spell your name correctly.  as if you care if you spell my name the way i choose.  so caps or no caps, whatever, you know.

people and businesses spend money to copyright company and product names…so they can toss out the capitals themselves in their own adverts, logos and webstuff…so let’s do our part to help them out.  be egalitarian, and bring all those upper cases down to the level of the masses.

the internet.com, of course.com, is rife with debased capitals.com. ’nuff-said-there@nocaps.org.  we know how flaming rude it is to shout online with all caps.

to paraphrase aflphonso bedoya in the treasure of the sierra madre, ‘capitals.  we ain’t got no capitals.  we don’t need no capitals.  i don’t have to show you any stinkin’ capitals.’

state capitals are another waste of energy.

the divide between management and workers in companies would be bridged with the elimination of capitalization.

no caps means more sunscreen sales to bald men. ‘there’s many a man has more hair than wit,’ said william shakespeare.  see, you know who i quoted without a capital expenditure on his name.

architecturally speaking we are sunk though.  we’ll never get anything better than a column, ‘cuz you just can’t top a column without a capital.

save energy.  eschew pleonastic obfuscatory capitalization.

steve lange
zen-eeyore silly spoofer
palo alto software

coming soon…the ohsomysterious case of the nearextinct disappearing hyphens

if you got an rss sneak preview of this post last week i apologize for this second feed. i meant to save it for delayed posting while i was saving energy by basking in the sun, surfside in kauai….instead of working ;-o

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